School Days – A Lesson on Fear

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” (ESV)

With her tea cup clanging as it hits the saucer, my great Aunt Anna lifts the cup to her lips and takes a sip.  I sit in eager anticipation of the history that is about to come to life.

Extreme discipline is at the heart of the story below based on Anna's recollection.

Circa 1915 

Mary is in the principal's office standing in front of Sister Jaine.

"Hold out your hands."

Reluctantly Mary lifts her hands, palms down.

With a ruler, Sister Jaine whacks them.

As the beating continues, “You were told not to walk across the Protestant church yard and you disobeyed.”

Mary’s knuckles start to bleed.

“I hope you have learned your lesson,” says Sister Jaine, “You may return to class.”

Mary returns to class with bloodied knuckles.  The pain and swelling make it hard to concentrate on her lessons.

Once classes are over, Mary walks down the stairs and finds Anna waiting for her.  They head out of the building together. Holding out her bloodied knuckles, Mary shares her story with Anna as they walk home.

“It’s not right, Mary, you shouldn’t have been punished like this,” says Anna.

“When I get home, I’m telling my parents what happened,” says Mary.

The next day Mary’s father walks her to school and into the principal’s office. In a fit of rage, he informs Sister Jaine that Mary will no longer be a student here.

The following afternoon, Anna heads from class to the main entrance of the school.  Sadness sets in with the knowledge that Mary will no longer be joining her on the walk home. Then the image of Mary’s bloodied knuckles comes to mind and the wrongness of it haunts her. They tell us that we’re not allowed to cross a Protestant church yard. What is that going to do to us? They tell us we can’t enter a synagogue or any other church not Catholic. I’m not going to become another religion by entering their building or walking across their yard.  Why are we being taught to hate? This doesn’t make sense.

Afterward

Following the telling of this story, Anna proclaimed, “I still believe in my religion, but why in the name of God was it wrong to cross the yard of a church that’s not Catholic. I went to Jewish ceremonies. I went to Greek baptisms. Doing these things did not make me choose another religion. I believe everyone has a right to their religion. You can believe what you want, just don’t push it on others.  I married a Protestant and I loved him just as much as if he were Catholic.” 

Reflection

When fearful I need to check my words and actions to see if there's a ruler, of sorts, in my hand. Fear clouds my judgment and won't allow me to make informed and caring decisions. My great Aunt Anna would not let anyone bully her into prejudice.  Checking out other faiths, as well as people not like her, Anna's life was enriched with an eclectic group of friends.

Who do you identify with in this story?  Are you the child with bloodied knuckles?  Maybe you're the friend who dared to enter the yard and building of another faith?  Or maybe, like me, there are times when you're fearful and it's tempting to pick up a ruler.

Note:
Anna Bella (Landry) Bradley was 97 years old when she revealed this story. She lived on her own until about six weeks before her death at the age of 103.
Photo Credit:  All three photos from www.pixabay.com

Be Courageous, Change the Things You Can

Cal Shook - Foliage - Newington, NH 

“God grant me the Serenity to

Accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to Change the things I can, and

Wisdom to Know the Difference.” Anonymous

What do you want to accomplish?  Is time passing for you with little to no forward progress?  Be courageous. There are simple ways to start on the path to achieving what you’re dreaming of.

1. Serenity

Serenity is key.  Tapping into the God of peace on a regular basis is essential.

Fear produces anxiety which has a crippling affect.  It blocks communication with others and our ability to think clearly to produce creative solutions in an ever changing world.

It wasn’t until I started taking time to relax that I realized how “un-serene” I’ve been.  With a rested mind I am free to create a new vision and a renewed life.

2.  Acceptance

Accepting that some things are beyond our control can be difficult such as natural disasters and another’s choice.   We can choose our response.  Pausing to relax before we respond can make a big difference in whether we sink or swim.   

My mom had no sense of balance and as hard as she tried was unable to ride a bike or ice skate.  One winter as we headed out to run errands, we started walking toward the car, she hit a small patch of black ice, started to slide, grabbed me and we both hit the pavement. Fortunately neither one of us got seriously hurt just bruised.

Next time out, knowing the driveway was icy, I offered Mom my arm.  Mom wanted to be able to do it herself, to get to the car on her own, so she declined.  She walked as carefully as she could, but found more black ice and down we went.

This pattern would repeat itself unless something changed.

Cal Shook - Foliage - Newington, NH

3.  Change

It takes courage to move beyond our comfort zones, to change the things we can.

Mom and I could have kept hitting the pavement together, but after a couple rounds of ground togetherness a solution was reached.

Even though my mother knew she had a balance problem, it was hard for her to accept my help.  My independent spirit felt for her.  After giving it her best effort Mom once again accepted her lack of balance. Doing so freed her to take my arm on icy days as we headed for the car.  This allowed both of us to walk to the car and remain upright.

Trying to change things beyond my control is like hitting the pavement with Mom.  It leaves me feeling a bit bruised.  "Letting Go" of the things I cannot change allows the bruises to heal and makes for smoother forward progress.

Sometimes it takes a change in attitude, a little readjustment, and a new routine to get a more beneficial outcome.

4. Wisdom

Wisdom is needed to figure out what to “let go” of and what to change.

Fortunately Mom’s and my situation was easy to remedy and we both became part of the solution.  Other situations can take more creativity and time.

In last month's post, "Time Clutter", I talked about how cluttering both physical space and my calendar have been holding me back.  Letting go of “physical clutter” is getting easier every day.  The hardest one is the “Time Clutter”.  If I do nothing to change the way I spend the hours of each day, my dreams may slip away as time runs out. 

Creating a "Time Map" is helping me move forward.

A “Time Map” is a schedule to help you fulfill your dreams.  When you set goals, set aside the time to accomplish them, then start working on them, you’re heading down the path of accomplishment.  A “Time Map” can help you reach your destination, your dream. 

Basic steps for setting up a “Time Map”

Cal Shook - Foliage - Newington, NH

Step 1:  List Your Dreams. 

What are your dreams?

My dreams are to finish my great Aunt Anna’s memoir by 2017 and to keep a well-balanced life in the process

Step 2:  List 5 to 6 Life Categories.

List "Life Categories" that will help you live the life you dream of. Some people find it helpful to color code these.

My list: 
Self (mind, body, and soul),

Family/Friends,

Home Maintenance,

Work,

Writing.

Step  3: How are you spending your time?

Take a close look at where you’re spending your time.

There are 168 hours in a week:

How much time are you spending in the "Life Categories" above?

I’ve used an app called "My Time", just to calculate where I’m spending my time.  This app adds whatever hour amount you put into a "Life Category", that you list, to a total at the top of the screen. Once completed, I realized why I wasn't moving forward.  I could now see that I wasn't spending enough time on the book.  I looked for a way to make this happen.

Step 4:  Where would you like to be spending more of your time?

Choose a “Life Category” you’d like to spend more time on.

Answer the following questions:

How can you spend more time in that area?

Does something have to go to make room?

Be creative.

I discovered that I wasn’t spending enough time "Writing" my Aunt Anna’s memoir.

The bulk of my schedule is my Communication Coordinator position.

Maybe giving up a TV show or two and getting to bed earlier could help?  I’m a morning person so adding a couple hours first thing in the morning seemed logical.   I decided to try getting to bed at 9pm and up at 5am.  I discovered that I couldn’t get to sleep that early.  I changed it to 10pm and got up at 6am.  It worked. It's giving me one to two hours of writing time each day, I am on my way to making the memoir a reality.  

Repeating these steps has helped me make time for "Family/Friends" in the middle of each weekday at lunchtime and on Saturdays.

How about you?
What are the things you are changing or can change to make your dreams come true?

To share your comments or this blog, see the links at the end of this post. 

For more on:
Spiritual Transformation -
"Calling Forth New Life", by Kirk Byron Jones at Amazon
Time Mapping -
“Time Management from the Inside Out” by Julie Morgenstern at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.