School Days – A Lesson on Fear

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” (ESV)

With her tea cup clanging as it hits the saucer, my great Aunt Anna lifts the cup to her lips and takes a sip.  I sit in eager anticipation of the history that is about to come to life.

Extreme discipline is at the heart of the story below based on Anna's recollection.

Circa 1915 

Mary is in the principal's office standing in front of Sister Jaine.

"Hold out your hands."

Reluctantly Mary lifts her hands, palms down.

With a ruler, Sister Jaine whacks them.

As the beating continues, “You were told not to walk across the Protestant church yard and you disobeyed.”

Mary’s knuckles start to bleed.

“I hope you have learned your lesson,” says Sister Jaine, “You may return to class.”

Mary returns to class with bloodied knuckles.  The pain and swelling make it hard to concentrate on her lessons.

Once classes are over, Mary walks down the stairs and finds Anna waiting for her.  They head out of the building together. Holding out her bloodied knuckles, Mary shares her story with Anna as they walk home.

“It’s not right, Mary, you shouldn’t have been punished like this,” says Anna.

“When I get home, I’m telling my parents what happened,” says Mary.

The next day Mary’s father walks her to school and into the principal’s office. In a fit of rage, he informs Sister Jaine that Mary will no longer be a student here.

The following afternoon, Anna heads from class to the main entrance of the school.  Sadness sets in with the knowledge that Mary will no longer be joining her on the walk home. Then the image of Mary’s bloodied knuckles comes to mind and the wrongness of it haunts her. They tell us that we’re not allowed to cross a Protestant church yard. What is that going to do to us? They tell us we can’t enter a synagogue or any other church not Catholic. I’m not going to become another religion by entering their building or walking across their yard.  Why are we being taught to hate? This doesn’t make sense.

Afterward

Following the telling of this story, Anna proclaimed, “I still believe in my religion, but why in the name of God was it wrong to cross the yard of a church that’s not Catholic. I went to Jewish ceremonies. I went to Greek baptisms. Doing these things did not make me choose another religion. I believe everyone has a right to their religion. You can believe what you want, just don’t push it on others.  I married a Protestant and I loved him just as much as if he were Catholic.” 

Reflection

When fearful I need to check my words and actions to see if there's a ruler, of sorts, in my hand. Fear clouds my judgment and won't allow me to make informed and caring decisions. My great Aunt Anna would not let anyone bully her into prejudice.  Checking out other faiths, as well as people not like her, Anna's life was enriched with an eclectic group of friends.

Who do you identify with in this story?  Are you the child with bloodied knuckles?  Maybe you're the friend who dared to enter the yard and building of another faith?  Or maybe, like me, there are times when you're fearful and it's tempting to pick up a ruler.

Note:
Anna Bella (Landry) Bradley was 97 years old when she revealed this story. She lived on her own until about six weeks before her death at the age of 103.
Photo Credit:  All three photos from www.pixabay.com

Cape Breton Boys – a life altering sledding experience.

Sled from www.pixabay.com

Are there story tellers in your family tree?

I’ve found that spending time with relatives can uncover moving stories of triumph over tragedy.  What follows is one of my favorites. 

It is the winter of 1910 and the Landry family is living in River Bourgeois, Cape Breton.  There’s a foot of fresh snow covering the steep hill a short walk from their home.  School is out and children are making their way up to the top with sleds in hand.  One at a time and in groups, they mount their sleds and head down the slope.  The air fills with shouts of joy.

Standing on the sideline are two Landry brothers, eleven year old Abe and fourteen year old Leo.   Their hearts race with excitement as they watch their friends speed down the snowy incline.  Caught up in the excitement, Mom’s words forbidding them to go sledding have slipped deep into the dead zones of their brains.

After sliding down the hill several times, Clifford walks over and places his sled at Leo’s feet. 

“Want to take a few turns?” he asks.    

Leo says,” Thanks” as he grabs it by its side and then heads to the summit. 

The delight Leo feels, as he rides down the hill, surpasses anything he’s experienced before.  It only gets better with each trip down.

Then something strange happens.  The last thing Leo remembers is walking over to Abe and Clifford with the sled.  But now he’s running and his mind seems to have blanked out why.   Clifford is running with him.

Reality comes into focus as Leo sees what he’s heading toward.  Abe’s contorted body and a broken sled are lying next to a huge maple tree at the base of the hill.

Winter Tree from www.pixabay.com 

Leo gets there first and crouches down next to Abe’s body.  Clifford joins him within seconds. The rest of the children aren’t far behind.  

Abe’s eyes are closed and he’s not moving. His right leg is at a peculiar angle and there’s blood trickling out of gouges seen through the large tear in his pant leg.

The three of them are soon surrounded by the rest of the children.  

“Abe,” Leo shouts.

There’s no response.

“We’ve got to get him off the cold ground.  We need a large toboggan.” Clifford pleads.

The circle of children separate as a large toboggan is handed over. 

The two teens quickly grab Abe’s motionless body. As they lift, it stiffens.  Abe’s eyes open and he lets out an ear-piercing scream as they place him on the toboggan.   Leo holds back tears as his brother looks up at him wincing in pain.

 Abe starts trembling and says, “Mom’s going to kill me when she finds out.”

“Abe, we’ll figure something out.  We’ve got to get you home,” Leo says.

Grabbing the rope attached to the front of the sled, Leo pulls and heads down the path to their home.  Clifford joins him.  Abe moans as his body is jostled in route. 

Leo’s mind is racing. How can they can get Abe in the house and keep Mom from finding out? She’s going to kill us. 

Before entering the house the boys work out a plan.  They are successful in keeping it from their parents for a short while.   How they pulled this off is still a mystery.   

Once it was discovered that Abe was seriously hurt, a doctor was summoned from St. Peter’s.  By the time the doctor arrives a couple of days have passed.  Upon examination, it is discovered that Abe’s right side has taken the brunt of his run-in with the maple tree.  The trauma to that side includes:  a broken hip, several holes running down his leg with pus coming out of them, and the inability to move his foot.    

Abe Landry at Landry's Shoe Repair, Halifax, NS

Abe suffers greatly in the months to come, but recovers.  As a result of the trauma the growth in his right leg is stunted; leaving him with one leg shorter than the other. This in combination with the damage to his foot makes getting around difficult.   A cobbler helps by taking measurements and a special boot with a lift inside is ordered from New York.   The boot gives Abe freedom of movement and a passion to apprentice as a cobbler.  

Following through on his desire to become a cobbler, Abe apprenticed and then set up his own business.  He became the owner and operator of Landry's Shoe Repair in the Hydrostone district in Halifax, Nova Scotia.  Abe ran his business for 47 years. 

This story is dedicated to Leo Landry who served in WWI and fought at the battle of Y-press in Belgium where he died on 4 June 1916 at the age of 18.  

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Special thanks go out to Mark and Courtney Moore and to the late Abe Landry and Anna Bella Landry Bradley for sharing their stories with us.  “The River That Isn’t”, by Garvie Samson was beneficial in creating this short story and gives a wonderful perspective about the people and their lives in River Bourgeois, Cape Breton from 1714 to 1994. 

I’d enjoy hearing what you think of this story in the comments section is below. 

Family Matters

Grandpa Jim, cousin MaryAnn, Me, & sister Karen

“Failing to connect with your family leaves you alone in important ways that lovers, children, friends, and work cannot replace.” – Monica McGoldrick, PhD

Family really does matter.  The way we relate to our family of origin affects our well-being, our lives.  It’s not in separation; it’s in coming together to form healthier relationships that we thrive. 

Having said this, there are extreme circumstances of physical and/or verbal abuse in which separation is necessary.  Be safe.

I believe that within each unhealthy family system there are glimmers of hope.  It’s human nature to want a healthy and fulfilling life.

“Gaining more knowledge of one’s distant families of origin can help one become aware that there are no angels and devils in a family: they were human beings, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, each reacting predictably to the emotional issue of the moment, and each doing the best they could with their own life course.” – Murray Bowen, M.D.

None of us gets through this life unscathed.

Maturity means looking beyond oneself. 

The gift of my grandparent’s generation.

In search of my heritage I spent time with family members from my grandparents generation.

Family photos with stories of tragedy and triumph accompanied by a cup of tea are my treasured memories with two great aunts.  My great Aunt Mabelle, on my mother’s side and my great Aunt Anna Bella, on my dad’s lived 15 minutes apart.  This made it convenient when I’d come in from hours away to see them both on the same day.

Each grew up quickly, having lost a parent as a teenager.  Longevity would be their hallmark with both living on their own up until a short time before their deaths, Aunt Mabelle (93 years) and Aunt Anna Bella (103 years).

Aunt Mabelle, Great-grandmother Judith, Grandmother Marie

 Aunt Mabelle – “Mémère”

“Mémère” – French Canadian for “Grammy”.

An extrovert with an active social life and event calendar, there were plenty of new things to talk about.  As she identified photos I would learn more about her life and the lives of my ancestors, woven with deep loss and great joy. 

Being childless, she helped me grieve, pick up the pieces, and move on. 

Once retired, she offered to be there for the families in her neighborhood.  If a parent was delayed from coming home from work, children had a safe place to come after school.  With her grandmotherly ways, weekdays weren’t the only time children would come over to visit. When she passed, a large arrangement with the word “Mémère” on it adorned her casket.  Inside were trinkets and letters of gratitude for the mutual love between them.

Dan Babineau, Aunt Anna Bella, Uncle Frank and Aunt Elizabeth

 Aunt Anna Bella – Evergreen.

“...your soul could never grow old it's evergreen.” – Ed Sheeran, Thinking Out Loud

Being in Aunt Anna Bella’s presence meant watching the years disappear as she spoke.  A lover of knowledge, she kept up with current trends which made for some lively discussions and contributed to her youthful and energetic personality. 

An introvert, Anna had a small but meaningful group of friends.  She’d tell me to choose my friends well because as you get older you’ll need to find younger ones with a passion for life and a caring spirit.   A family picture hanging over her bed would open the door to a story of horrific tragedy and survival.  This sharing would lead to conversations with relatives from both the US and Canada.  As we continue in dialogue our heritage lives on.  (There will be more on this tragedyin a future blog.)

In searching to learn more about my family history, I had the privilege of attending a retreat based on Bowen Family Systems.  The goal is to reach a more mature state and a more meaningful life through looking at your family history and the way you relate to people in the present. 

Do you believe that you’ve been influenced by the generations that have come before you?

Are you looking for healthier relationships and striving for more meaning in your life?

“Growing Yourself Up” – by Jenny Brown is a condensed version of the retreat.  The helps alone at the back of the book are worth the price. Available at: Amazon and Barnes&Noble

If you have a moment, I’d be interested in hearing a family story that has empowered you. Leave a comment in the section below.