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Are you yearning for closeness in a relationship? Are you willing to take steps toward intimacy?
It's in using the principles that follow that I am currently writing a family memoir. By fostering a relationship with my great Aunt Anna Bella and paying attention to what she had to offer, I learned about the events that would shape her life and her "fully engaged" personality. For more on my great aunt click on this link
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"A Picture on the Wall.")
The Principles
A relationship becomes stronger when we listen. For a verbal processor it can be hard to keep from talking long enough to hear the person you’re with. Can you identify? I can.
“Commit” to being present. “Focus” on the person you are with. “Listen” and “hear” all of what they are sharing. It takes putting one’s own needs aside and shutting off the inner chatter of your mind. Hear their inner desires without judgment.
“Reflect” back to them by showing that you hear and understand. You can do this by saying something like: “It sounds like you mean ___” or “____ really seems painful for you.” When someone feels heard they’ll “discover” what’s troubling them and be able to put it in perspective.
You’ll know you’re on the right track when their face and shoulders relax and their voice softens. They've reached an Ah-ha moment. It's that moment when they've figured out what is at the core of their distress. They begin to “heal”. Watch and hear them become “energized” as they share a “solution” that is uniquely their's.
Closeness abounds when a person feels that they are understood. Their gratitude is evident.
Relationship Recap
Commit
to being present.
Focus
on the person you’re with.
Listen
carefully.
Hear
what is being said.
Reflect
back what you’ve heard, briefly.
Discovery
will happen if you let it.
Healing
begins.
Solution
found.
The more present we are in a relationship the closer we'll get.
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Resources:
The Zen of Listening by Rebecca Z. Shafir,
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey, and
Listening Made Easy by Robert L. Montgomery
